I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
