So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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