I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
