I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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