Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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