The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
