so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
