From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
