I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
