I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
