Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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