Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
