dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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