she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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