I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
