I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
