If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
