i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
