My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
