Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
