Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
