Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
