why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
