Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
