Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
