Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
