Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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