i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
