His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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