i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
