no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
