Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize