the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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