life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
