I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
