Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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