I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
