my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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