Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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