Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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