party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
