He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The power of my boobs compel you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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