the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
