Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize