I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
