Where is the hickey?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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