are you so shy because you have an std?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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