One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
