I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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