You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
