then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
