i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
