cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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