yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
