I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dear god my vagina.
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