Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
