Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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