Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
