The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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