Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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