I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
