I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
