u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
