How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
