If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize