my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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