that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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