Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
