I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
