im drinking this country out of the recession.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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