idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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