it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
