Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am naked and annoyed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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