I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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